A Space Between Here and There:
An Exploration of Learned Womanhood
An excerpt of the written exegesis that accompanies my solo, A Space Between Here and There:
In the dark, I begin moving. The lights rise after a few moments. Now I am visible, wearing bright pink shorts and a pale pink tank top in an upstage corner of the stage next to a small mountain of clothing. I do not really notice the audience; I feel their presence but am unable to see anyone specifically. I am already very mentally and physically consumed by this stationary movement score.
I am paralyzed in movement. Continuously going. Unable to stop.
My feet remain rooted in the ground. I settle further into my body. Internal impulses and forces dictate where and how to move; right now, I feel a little helpless. The movement happens to me, and there is nothing I can do about it. Energy is everywhere, even the deepest crevices of my body. I am moving alone on stage. But I am never alone. I could never be alone because I have this body that is a part of a long lineage of women. This dance re-connects me with that. I notice myself now.
My eyes focus on my hand, as it slides up my side and curls inward when it reaches my neck. No, too close. My eyes start to blur. My focus shifts outward again.
My breath is audible; I do not try to hide the effort and bodily reverberations that accompany this movement. I feel the echoes from the movement everywhere, especially the invisible, internal echoes.
Moving organs. Flesh wrapping around bones.
Rushing blood. Crinkling joints. Wringing muscles. Vibrating cells.
Writhe everything. Relish in the chaos. Notice the burning sensation in every muscle. Use it to dig deeper. See how good it feels now?
My toes from my right foot peel off the floor, while my left heel lifts. My hips crease and knees jerkily bend. My hands form fists, and my arms lift up and extend outward. The ball-and-socket joint in my shoulder rotates, and my elbows bend at sharp angles.
Awkward. Wild. Dynamic. Strong. Uncontrolled. Uncontrollable. Indirect. My movements transform. I continue to be in a transformed state. I have never experienced my body like this before. This is an unfamiliar type of physical potential. I feel like I am experiencing my body for the very first time, but it simultaneously feels like I am coming home to my own skin.